Chaos: A Life Without Boundaries
As Christian Counselors we are always trying to map out the best ministry plan for clients when they visit us for the first time. Many need deliverance ministry and would benefit from it significantly. However, we have found that some have “out of control” relationships and they are not well positioned to gaining and securing lasting victory. These relationship issues significantly hamper the help we can provide until they are addressed and sometimes this is the first order of business.
I was counseling with a young lady a few years back who was dealing with significant issues in the areas of fear and depression. She was extremely tense and agitated and it was evident during our initial session that there were going to be some special challenges with her. Her cell phone (set to “vibrate” mode”) rang just a few minutes into our session. She glanced at the number, disconnected the call and then we continued. This happened twice again and I finally asked her who was calling. She said it was her mother, that she called her repeatedly during the day and would continue calling until she responded!
As we continued our discussion, it became very apparent that this very controlling mother, and the ungodly soul tie she had with her, was one of the major open doors for torment in her life. It was going to be important to help her regain control of this relationship.
What is an “out of control” relationship? From a counseling standpoint, we contend that definition applies when any one or more people in our life successfully transgresses our personal boundaries. The significant problem for some of our clients is that they have few if any of these boundaries in their lives!
What does a relationship without boundaries look like? It can look like this to the recipient if the offender is engaged in some number of the following behavior:
• The offender expects the recipient to be available and respond to their calls at any time and gets angry when this expectation is not met
- The verbal abuse does not stop even when they are (repeatedly) asked
- The offender will belittle the person’s spouse/friend and will not respond to pleas to cease.
- Guilt is used as a tool when the transgressor is not well received.
- Repeated and ongoing arguments, initiated by the offender, over the same issue(s) without any kind of sustained resolution.
In the case of the woman I mentioned earlier, I had to help her establish some proper boundaries with her mother so she could get into a better position to receive deliverance and also have a reasonable expectation of staying free! It was an iterative process with her and was painful for her to begin to stand up for herself (as a thirty-something year old adult!) in a new way.
A life without boundaries guarantees chaos! Are you in control of your life?